Whether you look forward to Christmas, dread it, avoid it, or are indifferent to it, it is easy to feel overwhelmed at this time of the year. Whilst we all have our unique ways to support ourselves, sometimes bringing a fresh point of view can help to bring us out of habituated responses and into presence and connection with ourselves.
I know that for me, coming from this space helps me to support myself best and respond from a place of care and compassion.
The Internal Family Systems (IFS) approach to therapy, created by Richard Schwartz, acknowledges that we are all made of many different parts, and that at our core we all have ‘self energy’.
‘Self energy’ is that kind of state that we experience when we feel calm, strong and clear about ourselves, our intentions and our state of being in the world. It is a place where we feel unhindered by doubt, or those parts of ourselves that become defensive.
Some compare it to a Buddha-like state, where we are kind.
Schwartz describes the 'self energy' below.
We all know about those luminous moments of clarity and balance, in our own lives and in those of our clients, which come briefly now and again. However we get there, we suddenly encounter a feeling of inner plenitude and open heartedness to the world that wasn’t there the moment before. The incessant nasty chatter inside our heads ceases, we have a sense of calm spaciousness, as if our minds and hearts and souls had expanded and brightened. Sometimes, these evanescent experiences come in a bright glow of peaceful certainty that everything in the universe is truly okay, and that includes us – you and me individually – in all our poor struggling, imperfect humanity. At other times, we may experience a wave of joyful connection with others that washes away irritation, distrust, and boredom. We feel that, for once, we truly are ourselves, our real selves, free of the inner cacophony that usually assaults us.
How do we get in touch with this bigger, kinder, wiser core self of ours?
How do we move towards increasing our awareness and sense of openness?
How can we befriend those challenging parts of ourselves and be flexible and connected, whilst turning towards ourselves warmth?
We all have different ways of accessing this quality of connection.
For me, I notice it when I am playing music, swimming or paddling in the ocean or connecting with an old friend - doing things where I am in a state of presence and flow.
Another way is to notice, pay attention to and embrace what IFS practitioners call "The 8 C's".
The 8 C's are one way of describing the core elements of this state of equanimity.
Calmness
Clarity
Curiosity
Compassion
Confidence
Courage
Creativity
Connectedness
Some ideas for how we can support ourselves with the 8 C’s:
You might like to keep a diary, or make a regular time to connect in to begin to build understanding of where you sit in relation to the 8 C's for you.
If you'd like an opportunity to develop your sense of calmness, you might like to sign up for '3 Minutes to Calm' - a free resource on throughout December - sign up anytime in December.
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Header image: Khadeeja Yasser